Yesterday over lunch one of my managers asked me how we got married. Which is a usual question when you say you have been married for about a year or more.Then when I tell them its a modern day arranged marriage and tell them how my husband and I got married they are invariably surprised that this concept works very well in India.
So here I am trying to find reasons why a marriage succeeds...Most of us already know what makes a successful marriage...but its easier said than done.
I feel the fundamental neccesities for any relationship in any part of the world to succeed are the individuals who are the key players.I agree the two families coming together, parents liking the kids etc are also important, but even if our parents bond well together there is no reason the two of us should.
When the parents try to do the match making all that they are trying to do is match educational/socio-economic patterns...So a marriage being an arranged/love marriage really doesn't matter.
All that matters is we are married and we want to make this work!
Even if you have known your spouse before you get married , you never know a person until you start living together...there are so many little cute/irritating things that we notice when we start sharing space.
So any marriage does throw in a few surprises cause no one can get married without any expectations. Inherently there are lots of things that you want your spouse to do..some things like your father ..some not like your father...some like your brother...some not..somethings like madhavan...somethings like vijay (he is my favorite actor)...some like Richard Gere from Pretty Woman...Am sure guys do have their own expectations...
These are small things that you dont know about in an arranged marriage but you would definitely know in a love marriage.
There are the other important situations were he doesnt like the way you do certain things or your view points differ which you would know only when the situation arises.
Your spouse could be right, but if it needs to be changed, the inclination to accept and do the change should come from within u and not be forced upon.
Your life partner should accept you as you are and not try to change you into another person...The feeling of making the change in yourself for the good of the marriage and the love that you have for him should come from you...thats when a marriage succeeds.
Both of us should be willing to accept , change and learn from each other's mistakes.
A marriage is not just a bonding of two hearts and souls...its also the minds...
My mom also tells me the arrival of kids dynamically changes the equations of a marriage.....and both of us would feel complete only when we have kids. That really should be true..dont know yet :)
The feeling of superiority , ego etc kills a relationship...there's always something to learn even from a kid..so never look down or feel that you know better...you earn more...etc..
All these thoughts dont apply if you are in an abusive marriage...but for most normal marriages according to me the ingredients of success are love,understanding,adjustments but not compromises.
All said and done....though are marriage is too young ....and we fight over lots of silly things...
I know that I love S and he knows that too..and thats what is really needed for a successful marriage.
This is my own little space..A place where I write about my experiences and opinions as I sail through this journey called life.
well , your understaning about marriages and your thoughts are so good.
I have one story in my blog to show love what actually means .
"Love ... means..."